THEY were talking of land ownership down at the pub. Old Blue said he once had 200 acres, Charlie said he had 400 acres and Billy had the most with 500 acres. I couldn’t help myself and told them I once had three acres. “Have you still got them?” asked Charlie. “No,” I replied, “the dentist took them out!!”
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A BLOKE was sitting at home on the patio with his wife and said, “I love you.” “Is that you talking or the beer talking?” she asks. He replied, “It’s me talking to the beer!”
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PADDY says to Mick, “I found a pen. Is it yours?” Mick replies, “Don’t know, give it here.” He then tries the pen and says, “Yes, it is.” “How do you know?” asks Paddy. Mick replies, “That’s my handwriting!”
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I WAS asked the other day: “Why did a monkey put a chop on his head?” And the answer to that was – “Because he wanted to be a griller!”
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JACKO was talking to Dopey Dan and said, “I am going to get a flu jab today.” “I’d rather have a needle!” replied Dopey Dan.
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INSECTS were flying about the trees and George said he thought they were flies. “No they’re not,” Charlie piped up, “they are bees because one of them just tried to sting me for $5!”
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MY DEAR friend Deb sent this little item to me: “Instead of the John I call my bathroom Jim … it sounds better when I say I went to the Jim first thing this morning!” Thanks Deb, that sounds like me when I go for my early morning swim in the creek!! Brrrrrrrrrrr……
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I APPRECIATE some of the things younger readers give me. Here is a sample of two items: How does the Easter Bunny stay fit? He gets lots of eggs-ercise and hare-obics! And … What is ET short for? He’s only got little legs!
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A BLONDE was driving along a road when she suddenly stopped and got into another set of clothes. Her passenger asked why and the blonde said she decided to change gear!
