A bloke had a wife who was a terrible cook – she just served up frozen food day after day. Eventually the husband went to the doctor and explained his problem. “And what’s the trouble?” asked the doctor, “ulcers?” “No,” replied the bloke, “frostbite!”
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“Tell me, young man,” said the father to his prospective son-in-law, “if my daughter marries you and I give her a substantial dowry, what have you got to offer me in return?” “I’ll give you a receipt!” replied the young husband to be.
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Kevin Koala: “How did you go in your test?” Patty Platypus: “Well, it was very watery.” Kevin Koala: “What do you mean?” Patty Platypus: “My results were all under C-level!”
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Police stopped a middle-eastern gentleman in his transit van speeding on the motorway. The policeman says, “Do you know the limit is 70?” The driver leans into the back and says, “Hear that! Three of you have got to get out!!”
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And … what about the bloke who walks past a police station and sees a sign – “Man Wanted for Bank Robbery”. So he goes inside and applies for the job!
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Old Billy just came out from a visit to his doctor. “How’d you go, old mate?” asked Charlie. “Well, I went to the doctor with fluid on the knee and he said, ‘you’re not aiming straight’!” replied Billy.
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A police officer pulled over a driver for a random breath test. “When did you have your last drink?” asked the officer. “I bloody well haven’t yet,” the old bloke behind the wheel informed.
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Old George was telling them at the pub, “My kids keep laughing and making fun of my alzheimers but they won’t be laughing when they wake up at Christmas time and there is no eggs under the bonfire!”
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They were on their way home from school when Ernie told his friend, “I’m sorry … I won’t be able to go out after tea. I promised my dad that I would stay home and help him with my homework!”
